An Open Letter To Rosie

Dear Rosie O,

I pray everday that you may eventually get to read this. Let's see if the prayer works. My intentions are only from my heart.

First off, you have been a huge influence on my life and have helped me through more than you could ever understand, and for that I want to say "thank you." I feel like you may need this now, and since there's not much I can do, I decided I could write you a letter of thanks.

I don't want to dive too much into it, but I will share some background story for you. And no mam, I'm not some crazed, obsessed fan, but for some reason I do feel the need to connect with you somehow, as crazy as that sounds. I have felt that way my whole life, and I don't understand why. The only way I feel I can do this is through posting this on my personal blog, I can't fit it all into your question thing on your site, but I understand that you have to do that for obvious reasons.


So, I just turned 29 years old, I grew up in the sticks in south central Kentucky, and have been a drummer since age 3, as you might have noticed from the site. I came from a lower middle-class family that really struggled to make ends meet but provided me with a great home. My father was a drummer, hence helping me to start at the age I did. (Frankenstein was my first song to learn on drums -- it's still one of my all time favs!) My mother worked for a circuit court judge most of my life. I was always considered a weird, creative girl and I grew up confused, not to mention with a few disorders thrown in here and there, including some severe depression that I have battled for years. At the age of 15-16ish, my family life was torn apart by many things but mostly by a very, hard and bitter divorce that my parents went through mainly because of my father's insanity and anger management issues, he was very mentally abusive. And then at the same time I had three grandparents pass away and a great-grandmother murdered all within like a year of each other. As you might have imagined, I went through many emotions, including struggles of numerous suicide attempts, and severe depression.

I remember my mother taking me to a psychiatrist right around the time that it all went down and I didn't want to go, because I was rebelling and I couldn't see the point of telling a complete stranger what I was feeling. I had always been a father's girl and was all of a sudden living with my mother, who I felt never really understood me, I've always been a rebel of sorts. At the time, I despised my mom for what I felt like was breaking up our family, even though now I have the highest respect for her because of what she went through, she was putting my sister and I first. So, I'm sitting in the psychiatrist's office waiting to be called in when I looked on the table of magazines to see you on the cover. I sat there and read the thing and remembered you from your days on VH1's Stand Up Spotlight. I remembered that you used to make me laugh during all the arguing with my parents and I always loved your Madonna jokes because I was in love with Madonna at the time, and who wasn't really. I felt secure after reading the article and I remember it was about you getting your television show, which made me really excited! I was about to enter college and was going through many things I didn't quite understand at the time, I needed comedy and laughter and you were it for me.

I went on to enter college and started skipping college church classes to watch your show, which I fell in love with like many others, because you made me laugh. I also went through a really bad relationship, etc...who doesn't...among other things. I eventually decided college wasn't for me. I wanted to play music...I had started playing drums out live in a band at age 13, landing a slot opening for non other than Tim McGraw, who was just getting big at the time. Then, I went on in life to realize that I was gay, and it was around the same time that you were coming out, I really felt connected, not to mention my family and I went rounds with it, they didn't understand it, I couldn't explain it to them, and not to mention my great-grandmother that was murdered was killed by two lesbians, which made things even worse. (Strange, but true, my gg's murder involved Reba McEntire as well... but that's a very long story for another day)

I was eventually kicked out of the house, and homeless at one point, but I kept having faith. I had been working part time at a local radio station, and eventually moved over into television as an editor, having friends give me rides to work, etc. Then I was asked to move to a bigger city to work for a much nicer company, and I left the small town at age 21 and didn't speak to my parents for a long time, except for a few hello calls here and there. (They rarely called me as well)

And to make a long story short...

Time has past, emotions have now healed, I'm older and now understand things better -- but I just wanted to let you know that when I always needed that laughter in my life, you were there. As crazy as it might sound. When I dealt with the hardships of severe depression, multiple suicide attempts, the torn family issues, you were there to make me laugh. I owe you a "thank you" for saving my life in a way that I can't really put into words.

I read your blog daily now and send you little questions here and there, sometimes you answer, sometimes you don't. It's such a cool thing that people can connect through the blogosphere, it blows my mind sometimes how real you are. You are just like me, and I just like you, we are humans with feelings and I feel I understand you. We aren't perfect, all we can do is try.

I have since grown up, dealt with some issues, the family life has somewhat healed, I have a partner, I have an awesome rock band with a new album to document some of my past experiences through life and I teach drums to kids as a second job through the week because it makes me happy. I have great friends, and I continue to deal with the issues and depression in a much more positive way, through drumming and music (and through professional help and the blog, on occasion)

I wanted to tell you thank you for everything you've done, even if you don't realize it.
And as one of my favorite musicians, Dolly Parton, would say, I will always love you. You will always have my respect and I think you rock!

Sincerely,
Jyn

P.S. If you do get to eventually read this (yeah right!) venture over to the right hand side audio links and take a listen to Maney's Song, it's my anthem for life and I know you will appreciate it.