Therapy

It seems that I may have found a good therapist finally and looks like I will start sessions here in a few weeks. I've been to many therapists but have yet to find the right one for me, things may have just changed. Keep your fingers crossed.

My birthday is on Tuesday (the last of my twenties) and I know I'm a bit young to be going through a mid-life crisis but for some reason I just woke up the other day and felt like I was. I woke up to a world I cannot understand. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I ever understood this world and that's ok because I'm creative and it has helped to serve as my muse in a way. I just feel like I need to rid myself of everything dark and negative in my life. It's funny because I really used to enjoy more of the dark side per say, but something tells me inside my soul that I need to rid myself of it all, for good and never look back.

I started re-arranging things around the house and throwing stuff out, and it feels really good. I have found myself now, for weeks praying for all the darkness to leave my being and allow the light to come in. I'm honestly very tired of trying to please everyone all the time, it's not possible, and as I grow older, I care less. Is that bad? I'm hoping that therapy will come in mighty handy for all of my questions.

It's hard being an artist/musician/creator too and sometimes it feels like a curse. There are too many artists out there that cannot live a happy life because they can't create full-time and they have to create to be happy. Part-time wears me out. Yet, a true artist must go through a range of emotions to be able to create, in my opinion, it's what makes the best artists. I must find a way to be happy and live comfortably and be able to create, because I really have no other options at this point.

I think I want to start writing a book. Maybe not a book, but just all of my writings/poems/songs/journal entries that I have collected over the years. There's notebooks on top of notebooks full of stuff and I think I would feel better to just release it somehow. How do you know where to start? Yeah -- the therapist is going to come in handy, for sure.

I guess at my age I'm supposed to be feeling all this craziness inside or maybe it's all in my head. Either way, I've got to get it all out and it couldn't hurt to talk about it.

To wrap this all up, I'm excited to enjoy the remainder of my twenties and I'm even more excited to visit my thirties, they all tell me good times lie ahead. I didn't think I would make it this far with the life that I have witnessed but I'm glad I'm the victor. This weekend, I'm going to relax with people who are close to me. We are all headed out for a white-water rafting trip, which I love to do, although I'm going to just relax, visit a winery, take in some art, maybe something historical, play some drums... and just breathe and enjoy life.

I feel something big coming on the horizon.